Conflicted

Well, yesterday mom brought me a "friend" to play with.  She was okay, but as soon as we started running around like maniacs, dad decided she had to go back home.  He doesn't like it when our running is louder than the TV.  Weirdo.  I accidentally got mom with my teeth when we were playing tug o' war earlier.  I felt SO bad, but then I apologized and forgot it ever happened.  I untied the knot in my rope.  Mom and dad still don't know how I tie and untie knots, AND THEY NEVER WILL.  I ran into the wall again.  I wish people would stop putting them in random places!  Someone was outside today, I tried to tell mom that he wanted to eat us all, but she wouldn't listen.  He lives next door.  He went away after a while.  Mom said he was just cooking out in his backyard next to ours, but I'm pretty sure if I hadn't been barking, he would have cooked us on his grill.  I've been following mom around all day and farting silently.  I don't know why she hates it so much, it doesn't smell any worse than when dad does it, and it definitely doesn't smell worse than when Bubba pees on her blanket.  Just sometimes, she's not paying attention to me, and I want to make sure she knows I'm there, right under her feet.  Oh, followers, I should tell you.  I have a crush.  He's sooooo cool, but he's older than me, and he's kind of, well...this is embarrassing.  He's human.  He's a person.  I haven't seen him since FOREVER, I don't think he likes me, but we cuddled alllll night once.  NOBODY LOVES ME, I'M SO DEPRESSED.  Oh my God, mom is about to throw my ball, she's SO AWESOME!  MY LIFE IS SO WONDERFUL!  Gotta GO!

I LOVE YOU, LET'S BE BEST FRIENDS!
~Cy